I’m almost not pregnant. And this weather is very uplifting.
Complain constantly when I want to get out of the house and do something with you on your days off. Then sit and wait anxiously when you have to go out with your friends instead. I’m sorry but I feel like a burden now. All I see is the inside of 8 walls every week. Either in at home or at work. I hate this town, and I miss Ann arbor. All I do is sleep when I’m at home and make plans to see people in vain, everyone backs out. Pretty much every time. I know hanging out with the pregnant girl is hard, and its even harder when ya know she’s not keeping it. “what do I even talk about” I hate my job. I hate where my home is. And I hate the people I’m surrounded by. I’m just filled with hate hate hate.
You would think I would be used to this by now, after the shit I went through with the last one. But no, days filled with even more self loathing. I don’t want to give this baby up, every part in me is telling me not to. Now to deal with the stupid I’m not good enough thoughts from being cheated on on top of the fact I’m pregnant? Yeah. Lets just say I have been a wreck for the last two weeks I just want a god damn cigarette and a half gallon of vodka, fuck even a fucking bowl sounds fucking beautiful. I don’t know how to cope without substance abuse.
The healthy way. And until then I need a real hobby. I want to make stuff. I keep seeing all these adorable anime kawaii things and I want to help create it. Like totoro sleep masks and such. I want to pick up a skill that I can use for life like sewing. Something that I can do all day long. Or knitting or crocheting. But I think I mostly want to sew. If I did, what kind of things would you like to see? I already know how to embroider, so even doing lineworks wouldn’t be a problem. And the money isn’t the drive either. I need something to eat up my free time that is productive.
there is a fine line between kawaii and drag queen.
As someone who is not yet ready to have a child, I have come to learn how strong my views on the abortion topic are.
becoming pregnant when you aren’t ready is a terrifying experience. But carrying a child to full term is a long and hard journey by itself. When you add in the fact that you are going to give your child ,that you can’t help but to love, to a couple of strangers, and hoping they will take care of this child you weren’t prepared for, you could possibly be not only ruining your life, but ending it.
now I understand the “your killing a baby” point, but you need to also consider the hardships that are being placed on the birthmother if she decides to do adoption. Constantly questioning if its the right decision. Should I have had an abortion, can I go through with this adoption, is this the only baby I can have, is this my only chance, would I be less depressed and able to eat/sleep if I had an abortion?
adoption is NOT easy, and to be honest, I don’t suggest it to the weak of heart. It is one of the biggest decisions a woman can ever make, and will affect her for her entire life. And for many, they end up hating themselves because they weren’t able to provide for that child. And for many more, have a hard time raising any other children they will or have had.
so please before you go off on abortion to a mother to be, consider this, it may not have been their first choice. So don’t make them feel guilty about what they thought about or considered, because you are looking to adopt, or even kept your child when put into a similar situation. Yes there are plenty of families who are unable to have children, but there are plenty of women who are unable to just give their child up to some strangers, or care for the child themselves, so for them abortion might have been the right choice, no matter how hard, or their beliefs.